At first it'll be a tough transition living somewhere people are nice to each other, but you'll soon adapt. It's not all maple syrup and ice hockey up there, ya know. It's maple syrup, ice hockey, and Tim Horton's. Head north, friend. You won't be sorey.
Brazil is an incredibly large and diverse nation blessed with beautiful beaches, untamed rainforest, and everything inbetween. The only hurdle most Americans encounter moving here is the mandatory state religion, futebol.
Who hasn't dreamt of leaving it all behind to become a gaucho, roaming the countryside on horseback, sleeping under open skies and living off the land? Maybe it's time you learned a little Español and worked on those lasso skills. ¡Giddyup!
Did you know Ecuador is home to around 3200 species of butterfly? You didn't. But now? Now you know. Congrats, you're well on your way to becoming an Ecuadorian national.
Ah, 'Little Spain', as the natives call it.* Portugal has unbelievable food and wine, sure, but what really makes it great a laid-back approach to life focused on enjoying the small things. And they decriminalized all narcotics. We're not saying that's why you should move there, but we're not not saying it either.
Sweden has earned a reputation for being very hospitable to political refugees such as ourselves. When you show up, go, "Wow, this sure is a 'cool' place!" Swedes love terrible jokes. Between that and the fact they speak better English than us, adapting is pretty simple—once you get used to the government caring about people, anyway.
Do you like food? Perfect, welcome to Italy.
Okay, okay, it's not that simple, we know. Moving to Italy means exposing yourself to incredible sports cars, high-end fashion, gorgeous historic vistas and a perfect climate. And don't even get us started on work-life balance. It's not for everyone. But if you hang tough, you just might make it here.
Wait. Where?? Svalbard is an arctic island that's technically owned by Norway, but plays by its own rules. Literally anyone can move to this pristine permafrosted place as long as they prove they can afford to live or work. The only catch? Below-zero temps, polar bears, and over four months a year without sunlight. But hey, no spray-tanned authoritarian reality-TV president!
They got Legoland here. Legoland!
New Zealand was one of the last major landmasses settled by humans, with people of the eventual Mäori culture arriving sometime in the 13th century. It's regarded as one of the most naturally beautiful places on earth, with stunning locations like Osgiliath Wood, Pelennor Fields, the River Anduin, Lothlorien, Isengard, Rivendell and The Shire.
An island city-state of 5.5 million whose mascot is the mythic Merlion (half fish, half lion). Due to a seriously low birth rate, Singapore has been encouraging immigration recently, and it's one of the world's most highly developed economic powerhouses with an exceptional blend of ethnic influences and cuisines. But let's be real, they had you at "Merlion."
We know what you're thinking: 'I'm trying *escape* authoritarianism!' But hear us out for a second. UAE citizens and residents pay 0% tax. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. Not a cent. Plus they have that giant building Tom Cruise climbs in Mission Impossible 4. Just something to think about.
1 dollar is worth over 22,000 dobras. That means if you bring $50 to São Tomé and Príncipe, you'll become a millionaire. Turn that one over in your head a minute. You: Tropical Island Millionaire. Aww yesssss. Feels good, doesn't it?
You didn't you think we meant THAT Jersey, did you? Imagine living under Trump AND Chris Christie. Yikes. Have no fear though: THIS Jersey is a British crown dependency off the Norman coast. It became a destination for political refugees during Europe's 1848 upheavals, but today immigration is tougher—it's treated like moving to the UK. But hey, maybe they'll forget about it as they're Brexiting.
Andorra explores the concept, 'What if an entire country was a ski resort?' Maybe you could explore living your entire life on said ski resort. As long as you can get there, that is. Andorra is perched high in the Pyrenees with no apparent air travel available, so traveling there is a bit of a hike—pun strongly intended.
Bhutan is locally known as Druk yul, which means the "Land of the Thunder Dragon." Their king is called Druk Gyalpo, which means the "Thunder Dragon King." Their national anthem is Druk tsendhen, which means "The Thunder Dragon Kingdom." Their flag proudly displays the Thunder Dragon. Why are you still here reading this? Thunder Dragon!
(Note: You may have to enter through a neighboring country.)
Maybe you've become so frustrated, so incensed by this stupid election that you don't want to even be near humans anymore. In that case, may we suggest the least densely populated country on earth? Mongolia averages just five people per square mile. Choose from the vast Gobi desert, the desolate northern mountains, or the endless grassy steppes to merrily isolate yourself for eternity. :)
Based on some books and films we've seen, Japan is a technological superpower defended by massive anthropomorphic robots. This seems like a significant barrier to entry. But what lies within is a unique, vibrant culture where nobody can wear shoes indoors. It's a veritable paradise of good house manners. Maybe your mom wants to come with you?
Fun fact*: At around 22% of the population, Switzerland boasts one of highest proportions of immigrants in the Western world. Due to recent law changes though, the Swiss do not fully embrace migration. But unlike whoever becomes America's next president, they do embrace neutrality.
*(Funner fact: Swiss people are like OBSESSED with chocolate. They're cuh-razy for the cocoa! I mean it's like a drug over there, LOL! But for real, they need help.)
Despite prejudice against Sub-Saharan Africa, Ghana is a stable, developing democracy with a steadily growing economy. It's blessed with a warm tropical climate all year round, and people regard it as one of the friendliest countries in the world. However, there is one source of friction: the unending war between Ghanaian jollof rice and Nigerian jollof rice. This conflict will likely never be resolved.
Imagining "President Trump" often spurs an innate desire to be flung into a herd stampeding wildebeests. But in the process of suppressing this urge, you may discover that, instead, you could roam peacefully amongst those wildebeests, far away from the political chaos at home. The Wildebeests Know. Join their great migration.
There have been some famous immigrants who came from Barbados and made it big in the US: Rihanna, for one, but also the godfather of hip hop, Grandmaster Flash. What if the turntables were turned, and YOU became in a big star in the Caribbean? Just promise you won't do the accent. And definitely don't date Drake.
One way to cope with your homeland falling prey to a dangerously prejudiced oaf is the tried-and-true method of drinking heavily. And nobody drinks more beer per capita than the Czech Republic. It got them through their breakup with Slovakia, after all. Chances are it can get you through your breakup with the US. (The key is to never text no matter how you feel at the time.)